Practice v Performance

Dear Ms Kallas-Way
I've been hitting my long irons and fairway woods really badly for months so I went to the practice fairway to see if I could sort my swing out. And I did! I had a couple of duffs but hit most of the 70 balls solidly. How come there's such a big difference between my performance on the practice fairway and the golf course?
Dear Practice
Easy. I'll break it to you gently. You're a lily-livered, spineless moron who lacks dedication and self belief. You've been playing badly for months and you've only just gone to the practice fairway? Obviously you don't own 'Agonising Golf', or you'd have set up house there. And that's where you instil the self belief necessary to maintain your spine angle, the most common problem for duffers. But the main thing to remember is that you hit the ball better on the practice fairway because there's no pressure. So you need to re-create the tension felt while playing. The best way to do that is to hit balls in a bull paddock. Jersey bulls.

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