Eliminate Slow Play

One of the most common complaints from all golfers is the rate of play. Once upon a time, four hours was considered the norm for a group of four to complete 18 holes. Even if they were hackers. These days it can take over five hours on some courses, even for the pros, who often play in a 2-ball. No wonder The Game is declining in popularity. If you're playing well, the last thing you want to do is wait on every shot because that's when your focus shifts. Instead of keeping 'in the zone' you start to think about what you're going to have for tea, or wonder if you really did put the garage door down. Then you get irritated by the others in your group, particularly the one with the annoying habit of waggling their club 27 times before they hit the ball. Badly. It's much easier if you can just walk up to your ball and hit it. Also, if you're playing badly then the last thing you want is to wait on every shot. This gives you way too much time to fester over your last poor shot, or shots, when all you want to do is get off the course and share your hard-luck stories at the 19th. I have good news for course managers who are serious about fixing slow play. As long as you have a sprinkler system, we can solve the problem and here's how. Every group pushes a button when they get to each tee. This stops the sprinkler from coming on when the weight detector senses golfers. The group has 13 minutes to complete each hole and if the group hasn't completed the hole, the sprinklers come on and drench them. Well, you say, that might work when it's fine, but it's hardly going to be a speed-up shock when it's raining. I considered that and figured I could make it an incentive to play faster simply by replacing the water with sulphuric acid. Had to abandon that, though, because it would have killed the grass. But I knew I was on to something. Then I had a eureka moment! The perfect replacement for water is dairy effluent! Speed play and fertilise the golf course at the same time.


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