DNF Golfers

There was a playoff today at New Zealand's most prestigious tournament. The field started off with 120 competitors but by the fourth day, only ten players remained. Sixty seven pulled out on the first day, citing "personal reasons". They had all scored from 10 to 20 over par but insisted the score was irrelevant - their grandmothers had died.
Not since the Big Bad Wolf, had their been such a bad time for grandmas.
On the second day of the tournament, thirty three players pulled out, citing "personal reasons". All after scoring 9 on a par 3. "The score was irrelevant," they insisted. "I sprained my wrist/strained my Achilles'/broke my fingernail."
Not since the first marathon have masseurs been so busy.
On the third day, 10 more players pulled out, citing "personal reasons". They'd all scored quintuple bogeys on the last hole but insisted that was irrelevant. "I'm very attached to my caddy," they all asserted. "I can't believe he didn't duck quicker. I couldn't possibly play a round without him."
Not since resort courses were invented have golf cart manufacturers been so busy.
On the fourth day officials lined every fairway, pitchforks in hand. The remaining ten golfers asked why.
"This is New Zealand," the officials replied, "we're not allowed guns."
Nobody pulled out and after 72 holes two players were tied at even par. The other eight golfers tested the sharpness of the pitchforks and then decided to stay and watch.
Jack Aspinwald beat Ginger Booderra by birdying the first hole.
Unfortunately, he couldn't stay for prizegiving, citing "personal reasons".


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