The One Ball that Fixes All

Bribie Island Golf Club, Queensland

At Bribie Island Golf Club they've come up with a golf ball that fixes whatever ails the golfer, but is specifically good for the following:

1. This ball is guaranteed to fix anyone with a Kevin Na whiffing affliction.
2. If you hate one particular club, or several of them, this is where you punish it/them.
3. You'll never lose this ball in the rough.
4. Impossible to slice or hook this one.
5. Has to be a damn deep pond or lake to make this unretrievable.
6. Slow players a nuisance? Roll this on them from a hilltop and, okay, they'll slow down completely, but you'll have no trouble playing through.
7. Great for retaining key swing thoughts in lessons. Just as you get to the top of your backswing, the top pops off and a pro in swimming togs leaps out and yells 'Keep that right knee flexed!"
8. When you die, you can have your ashes buried here ... providing someone pays your sub every year.
9. You have no trouble keeping your eye on the ball.
10. It makes that hoary old chestnut 'Keep your head down' redundant.

Palmer Coolum Resort on a Jandal Budget

The Palmer Coolum Resort golf course would not normally feature in a jandal budget golf holiday. However, we were fortunate that Paul, manager of the Alexandra Headland Gardens apartment we're staying at, knew that we were on the lookout for bargain green fees. He brought us a copy of his local paper which mentioned that the Coolum Resort had a special deal for local golfers. $65 for a shared cart, a round of golf, a burger and a beer. 

Looking back towards 13th tee and Mt Coolum

Considering the green fees alone are usually $115, we leapt at the opportunity of becoming Aussies for one day, so that we could take advantage of such a great offer.

We practiced our Aussie accents for a couple of hours and then got the best mimic (Fiona) to ring the course and book us in at 8.20 on a Wednesday. Fiona sprinkled liberal amounts of the word 'mate' in her conversation, and avoided any words containing 'i' and got the booking. 

There are a lot of visually intimidating holes on this course, with very few flat fairways and all the hillocks seeming to fall sharply into the water.

Apart from the ones which fall sharply into bunkers.

Approach to 1st hole

The course isn't long off the red tees (par 72, 4981 metres) but you need to be very accurate with your driving and also able to handle uneven lies. The greens weren't scary fast but large and undulating. 

The first hole is a par 5 of 433 metres, lots of water on the left, rough on the right and a creek across the fairway about 50 metres short of the green. I didn't realise the creek was there until I was just about in it. That was a very fortunate lay-up and I was on for 4 and had 2 putts for a 6. A respectable score considering it's the 5th shot hole and really, really tight. There is no such thing as easing into the game gently.

The next hole is a 108 metre par 3 with a bunker stretching across the front. I managed to skirt the bunker and had 2 putts for a 3. Confidence started to grow.

The next hole was another par 5 with a hazard left and bunkers right and a tipsy fairway. (Tipsy fairway: drunk or sober, you're not going to be able to walk a straight line.) Left of the green was a large pond, which I hoiked my third shot into.
Confidence shattered. Cost me a double bogey, but at least I found the ball. Tried not to think what the grunge it lay in consisted of.

4th tee

The 4th was a very short 274 metre par 4 with more bunkers than a doomsday cult. A superb drive followed by an excellent rescue (gripped down the shaft because I've completely lost confidence in my 5 iron) got me on the green and 2 putts resulted in par.

7th tee

I have expunged the 5th hole from my memory because all seven shots were poor. I blame them on the kangaroo poo my ball bounced in off the tee. Definitely changed the characteristics of the ball. It kept leaping off line and diving into pouches (holes).

The 7th hole is a little beauty. Elevated tee and severe dogleg left. Only 276 metres but you need to steer your drive close to the trees on the left or you'll end up in the bunkers at the far side of the fairway. Hit a good drive (I'd got rid of the kangaroo poo) and you'll be left with a short iron (7 for me) to the green.

Easy par.

Hit the 8th green (par 3, 137 metres) but 3 putted for bogey.

9th tee ... yes, my bum does look big in this

I'm tempted to call the 9th the signature hole, but you could probably call half the holes signature holes. Par 4, 286 metrres. There didn't seem to be a lot of run on the course because I hit a good drive here, a solid 3 wood and I was still 6 feet short of the green. After which I chunked my chip and 2 putted for bogey. 

Fiona hit the green in two (driver, 3 wood) and sank a 10 ft putt for birdie.

Fiona 40, Kay 44.

The 10th is a fiendishly tight 292 metre par 4. Water all the way up the left, and a long bunker just above the water, and bunkers in the landing area if you bail out too much to the right. I hit driver and 7 iron to be 10 feet past the pin ... from where I 3 putted! Damn kangaroo poo again. (Didn't see it, but there's no other reason I could 3 putt from so close.) 

11th tee

The 11th is a par 3 across a wide swathe of water, with a generous bail out area left for beginners and golfers lacking confidence, or those running out of balls. We wondered if there was an equivalent of the Loch Ness Monster here, or a fish with flatulence, as there were large bubbles in the water near the green.

Turned out to be neither - just a diver gathering balls. I presume the bubbles were from his regulator...

12th green

Loved the 12th hole, a par 5 of 408 metres. In fact, all the par 5s are great tests of accuracy and strategy. The 12th has an elevated tee and you feel like you're hitting into space because the fairway rises up ahead of you, before it and the trees on the sides disappear. Fiona cut her drive and ended up in trees on the right while I hit the best drive of my round and was well down on the flat, just 195 metres from the hole. Fiona had a difficult chip out and ended up with double bogey. Driving the fairway is a must, on this hole.

There's a large pond on the left to catch duffs and hooks and a bunker in front of the green to catch those who think they can hit the ball further than they can (99% of golfers). I hit a solid 3 wood and then played a nice half wedge on to the green and ... bloody well 3 putted again. 

13th tee, forwards

 The 13th hole is a 295 metre par 4 and picturesque both forwards and backwards.

13th hole, backwards

Because there's water all the way along the left, and the tee is situated so you have to carry some of the water, you may subconsciously bail out right. And end up where I did, (pictured above). 

Sometimes, short of the bunker is not good.

Finally we have the 18th, a 322 metre par 4. Once again, a strategically placed bunker means you can't bail out right too far from the water all the way up the left. Manage a well-placed drive and you're faced with a very narrow entrance to an undulating green in front of the clubhouse. Which also has a bunker protecting the green, front right.

Judging by the way the four of us played the 18th, the outside dining area is popular because of the entertainment provided by wayward golfers. Tough finishing hole, but at least the bar is only a hop, skip and a jump away.

Damn kangaroos. They've invaded my writing as well.

Fiona 82. Kay 87. I had to drive home.

18th tee

The Importance of Strategy in Golf

13th green, strategically placed trees in front of green

The Mount Coolum golf course is only 20 minutes from our flat and, although not particularly long at 5166 metres (par 72), it's tight and demands accuracy off the tee.

We love this course because every hole is different and strategy plays a big part in scoring well.
Strategy also played a big part in Mt Coolum being the golf course we play most often while on our jandal budget golfing holiday.
To all the Kapitit Coast golfers who missed out on their July copy of Pacific Golfer, I apologise. They had an article on Sunshine Coast golfing which included a voucher for Mt Coolum, pay one green fee and get one free.
So I collected 27 copies, which covered most of our time on the Sunshine Coast. We'd managed to disguise our appearance and accents 12 times but alas, I blew our cover yesterday by winning the women's stableford section in the Mt Coolum pro-am.
No more 2 for 1 green fees, but the $75 pro shop voucher and golf balls for nearest the pin makes up for that.
The Mt Coolum pro-am is part of the Sunshine Coast mini tour. There were several kiwi pros playing in it, as well as one woman and the Aussie pros. The pros were playing for a purse of about $10,000 of which the winner gets about $1,800.
We paid $30 to enter the tournament and played in the morning round, teeing off at 7.00 in a shotgun start. The afternoon golfers teed off at 12.00 and, with temperatures getting up to 27 degrees, we were more than happy to get up at 5.15 to meet our tee time.
Our pro was Ryan Fowler (no relation to Peter Fowler, on the seniors tour) and it was his first year on the circuit. Unfortuately, he didn't have a great day, scoring 82. We thoroughly enjoyed his company and, in spite of his score, saw him play some great golf shots.

Ryan Fowler on the 12th tee

 We started on the 16th, a par 3 of 103 metres, bunkers front left and right of a very narrow sloping green. I hit just short of the green but had an easy chip and one putt for par.
The pro was short and left, while Fiona was short and right. Both had difficult chips so ended up chipping and 2 putting for bogey.
On this course, it's really important to 'miss' in the right spot, or you're faced with a Phil Mickelson flop shot, requiring pinpoint accuracy.
Not a lot of amateurs (or mini tour pros) have that shot.
The next hole, the 17th, is a 398 metre par 5 - a classic 'risk and reward' hole. There are fairway bunkers on the left, just where a good drive would finish, and there's a water hazard opposite. If you manage to drive the fairway, you are then faced with a decision. Lay up short of the pond and then play a mid to short iron across the pond on to the sloping, bunker protected green, or take the chicken way to the left of the pond and trees, from where you'll play only a wedge or 9 iron to the green.
I went the chicken way and got a par. The other two went across the pond (Fiona accidentally) scoring triple bogey and the pro scoring bogey.
I speak fluent chicken (having owned chooks when a child) so tend to favour chicken golf strategy.
Seventeen out of the eighteen greens are raised, and many of them are narrow, so if you don't play straight irons, you'd better have a solid chipping and pitching game.
A couple of the par 5s also favour strategy over power. The 4th is 447 metres with a ditch crossing the fairway precisely where a good drive would end so 3 wood off the tee is the best option. However, this means you've got 2 long shots to get to the green in regulation so you need a solid 2nd shot to give you less than a 3 wood to the green. If you're struggling with your fairway woods, like me, you have to weigh up whether to go for regulation or be happy to hit it in four and settle for 2 stbfd points (it's the number 2 stroke hole).
Unfortunately, I didn't listen to my inner chicken and my 3 wood shot got as much height as my putter stroke. How the ball managed to hit the ditch bank and stagger forward, I don't know. Unfortunately, I then went into the hazard on the right, took a penalty, went into the greenside bunker and ended up with an 8.

13th fairway, showing fairway trees

The 6th is a 447 metre par 5 with a wide ditch just past a good drive's finish. Fiona and I both drove to within 20 metres of the ditch. The lies weren't perfect so my inner chicken squawked and I took out my 6 iron for the second shot.
Fiona's only contact with chicken is when it's stir-fried or roasted. She chose a 5 wood.
My ball flew straight over the ditch and straight up the fairway to 104 metres from the green.
Fiona's ball flew like a flying fish - straight into the watery ditch.
Unfortunately, I 3 putted for a 6. For good measure, Fiona threw in a shank by the green and ended up with an 8.
It is very, very easy to score triple bogey on these par 5s.
The 13th is yet another wonderful par 5 of 423 metres. It's a double dogleg with a generous area for your drive. However, the closer you get to the green, the tighter the shot and, probably, your grip. For your second shot, there's a wide area of rough on the left and a lateral hazard on your right. Then, for good measure, there are two trees on the left of the fairway, at about your second shot's finish. Another 80 or so metres on, there are another two trees about 50 metres short of the green, dead centre.
This hole may look easier than the other par 5s but, trust me, it isn't.
Unless you copy my strategy for the hole, when we played in the pro-am. Here's what you do: Slice your drive so that you end up in the sandy area just beside the lateral hazard (pond). Listen to your inner chicken and don't go for the fairway wood because the lie is bare. Take out your 23 degree rescue club and play a solid shot into the rough on the left. This leaves you a hell of a long way short of the green, but the first lot of fairway trees are close and the second lot are within reach too.
Take your 3 wood and play a slice so that the ball goes left of the first lot of trees and curls to the right of the second group, leaving you 45 metres short of the raised green.
Pitch ... or bump and run?
Take the percentage shot. Bump and run. Aim it about 15 feet to the right of the pin, to take the curve of the green into account. Hit a low 9 iron into the bank and watch as it jumps up on to the green and curves beautifully around and then ... disappears into the hole for a 4 for 4 points.
At the end of the round, I'd managed 33 points off a 9 handicap, which I was reasonably happy with. The greens were fast and the greenkeeper had many of the pins teetering on the edge of slopes, or the far side of the greens.
Fiona had her worst game of golf since arriving in Australia, so I didn't have to drive home.

15th tee, Fiona with her card-shredder

Free Golf Lesson

To be a good golfer, you need good imagination.
At Caboolture Golf Club, they encourage golfers to use their imagination, starting on the third tee (pictured below).



The best non-coarse-language saying after a poor drive wins a free T-shirt. Here are some of the finalists:
1. May this driver be recycled and sent to Mars as part of the next Curiosity rover.
2. Take that! You son of a sewing machine!
3. Take that! You son of a treadle sewing machine!
4. You rotten, stinking, festering pustule of a driver on a baboon's bare bum!
5. Bother.


Agonising Golf and More Agonising Golf ebooks available
from smashwords.com

Why Mt Tongariro Erupted

New Zealand volcano erupts!

Did Mt Tongariro volcano erupt because of steam build-up?

Did it erupt because of molten magma pushing its way to the top?
No, it didn't!
Well, yes it did ... sort of.
But ... there is another stronger reason for the eruption.
A reason that very few people are aware of.
Now you can find out the real reason for the eruption...






Go to www.smashwords.com/books/view/204365 and all will be revealed when you read 'Mountain Mayhem'.

Tanawha Valley Golf

Tanawha Valley golf course (1122 metres, par 27) is the most picturesque course we've played since arriving on the Sunshine Coast. It's a 9-hole par 3 course with holes from 94 to 176 metres, so you can try out just about every club off the tee.
Green fees are $15 for 18 holes (Mon-Fri) $22 on weekends. If you tee off after 3, you can play as many holes as you like for $10.
There are elevated tees, elevated greens, bush, streams, excellent bunkers (which is unusual for par 3 courses, we've found) and it'll hold your interest from go to whoa.
A picture's worth a thousand words (the exchange rate will make that around 1300 words for kiwis) so I'll make this blog a photo essay.

1st tee at Tanawha

The first hole is 166 metres. Beautifully framed hole, bunker to the right of the uphill green. Fiona hit 3-wood and chipped and 1-putted for par. I hit driver left through a garden, whacked a three-quarter wedge through the green, chipped and 2-putted for double bogey.
I'm getting a lot of practice at shrugging off a bad start.

2nd green

Second hole, 103 metres. Fiona 3, Kay 4.
Sigh...

3rd tee, yep the hole is as narrow as it looks

Third hole is135 metres but uphill the whole way and with a large bunker across the front of the green. This is the only par 3 where I've had to have a rest getting to the green. (It's way steeper than it looks in the photo - the rest half way couldn't possibly be a reflection on my fitness.)  Fiona 3 and Kay 3.
Fourth hole is 94 metres and we both hit the green and 2-putted for par 3s.

5th tee, it's a long, loooong way down

The 5th hole is spectacular. 128 metres long and it must be at least 128 metres downwards as well. Water and bunker right, strategically placed tree left. Narrow downhill green. We both hit 6 iron, but Fiona hit the green and 2-putted for par. I missed left but chipped and 1-putted for par.
I'm three shots behind with four holes to go.
The 6th is usually 114 metres but is presently using a temporary green so is only about 84 metres. (If we'd read the local rules board before we went out, we'd have realised that and not overclubbed. We both scored 4 on this hole.)

7th tee

The 7th is only 96 metres. Fiona went first and was short with her 9 iron so I took my 8 and ended up pin high. Easy 2-putt for par while Fiona chipped and 2-putted for a bogey. One good thing about all the rain they've had here - you can just throw the ball right at the pin and it'll stop dead. They barely roll, even when it's downhill.

8th tee, larrup the driver

Yay! Finally I have the honour on a tee, with just 2 holes to go.
The 8th hole is a straight forward 176 metres. After the previous shorter holes, the green looks a long way away. As there's no run, I decide to go for the driver ... especially as I hit it straighter than my 3 wood anyway.
The previous 7 holes must have been a great warm-up because I absolutely smoked my driver (you can see the ball in the photo, headed straight for the flag). It looked like it might have gone through the green so I was hoping there was no trouble at the back.
The pressure was obviously getting to Fiona (only 2 shots ahead now) as she blocked her drive into the gum trees. However, it only hit leaves and kept going, but it was still about 30 metres short.
Sure enough, my drive had gone through the green but only a few metres.

8th green, framed by majestic gum trees

I could see the sweat on Fiona's brow as she contemplated her shot to the green. She was only 2 shots ahead of me, and I was chipping better than a fish 'n' chip shop navvy.
Fiona left her pitch short of the green.
What a shame.
I chipped to 2 inches from the hole. Easy 3.
Fiona had another chip and putted for a 4.
McBride leads Wall by 1 shot.
The final hole is 117 metres, uphill. Bunker right, considerable fall-off on the left. I went down the shaft of my rescue club ... and missed right, just behind the bunker. Fiona hit the green, but on the left so her ball rolled a couple of feet off the green.
The green slopes considerably from back to front so I aimed well above the pin. The only good thing about the shot was that it stayed on the green. Fiona decided to putt from just off the green and left it on the green but short.
We both faced difficult side putts on a slope. Tricky to read when you know the green and nearly impossible when you don't.
What can I say? Fiona 3 putted for a double bogey while I got down in 2.
Squared match. We both shot 32, 5 over par.
The temperature was climbing so we decided not to go around again. It was time for icecreams at The Old Stable, beside the clubhouse.

The old grey mares...

The Tanawha golf course is wonderful value for money. It was a Saturday and we didn't have to book a tee time. We just rolled up at about 11.00 am and walked straight on to the tee. We had no one pushing us and no one holding us up. We would recommend this course to golfers of every standard.
And, if you've ever fancied owning your own golf course in Queensland, you're in luck. This one's for sale.
For $2,999,500.00 you need never pay green fees again.

Essential Tips for Planning Your Sunshine Coast Golf Trip

To fully enjoy your Sunshine Coast Golf trip on a Jandal Budget you must get the planning right. Here's what you do.
1. Choose a calming location such as Alexandra Headlands Gardens, at Alexandra Headlands. Gather your flyers, NZ golf magazine green fee vouchers and Aussie golf magazines and set yourself up here:

Researching by the pool

(Note the address position - relaxed and perfectly balanced.)

2. Timing is everything with successful planning. Don't rush your tempo. Make sure you pace yourself or you'll exhaust yourself before the finish:

Perfect timing = perfect planning

(Note address position now - relaxed but ready to give that planning everything.)

3. Once you've selected your special green fee deals from mags, etc, it's time to get into the modern age and go online to iseekgolf.com. This is where you'll get daily deals on cheap green fees, at selected clubs. At this stage, you must watch your hydration. Remember, it's a heck of a lot hotter in Queensland in August than anywhere in New Zealand:

NZ wine for the best hydration

(It's often a good idea to switch to a foursomes format, at this stage, to avoid any Tiger Woods situations. (We're talking 'dumping of caddy' here, not the other...))

4. It's most important to 'warm down' after your planning. This is what we do, here at Alexandra Headland Gardens:

Best spa pool on Sunshine Coast

Repeat steps 1 - 4 for each day's golf.

No matter how fit you are, DON'T, I repeat, DON'T try and plan your golf for your entire holiday, all at once.

Such strenuous activity will have you completing step 4, but unable to get out of it.